Mentors Collective Entrepreneurs

Ultimate Success Mindset with Stephen Claybourn

June 24, 2020 Dr. Jay Feldman / Stephen Claybourn Season 2 Episode 10
Mentors Collective Entrepreneurs
Ultimate Success Mindset with Stephen Claybourn
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Mentors Collective Entrepreneurs
Ultimate Success Mindset with Stephen Claybourn
Jun 24, 2020 Season 2 Episode 10
Dr. Jay Feldman / Stephen Claybourn

Successful life comes from a successful mindset. Today's guest, Stephen C. Claybourn is an executive performance coach and was kind enough to share his tips on how to maintain a mindset that will lead you to triumph.

Leave a review if you found this helpful:
 http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1482762181

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Show Notes Transcript

Successful life comes from a successful mindset. Today's guest, Stephen C. Claybourn is an executive performance coach and was kind enough to share his tips on how to maintain a mindset that will lead you to triumph.

Leave a review if you found this helpful:
 http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1482762181

Support the show (https://mentorscollective.com/support)

Jay Feldman :

What's up everybody and welcome to the mentors collective on entrepreneurship where I bring you the best guests in the entire world, my favorite people to talk about different aspects of running a business and starting a business that maybe I'm not total professional. And so on this episode, I have a very special guest for you today. And this is one of my friends who I have been involved with very recently who's really, really impressed man. I wanted to bring him on the show to share some of his wisdom. He is a motivational coach. He's a business and executive coach. And this guy really had his own journey where he has a lot of wisdom to offer in terms of mindset. And when you're going through your own entrepreneurial journey, there is a lot of mindset coaching and really endurance that you have to be able to withstand in order to be successful. So on this episode, I really hope to offer you some of that I'm not the best motivational mindset coach myself, so I'm really happy to have Mr. Steven Claiborne on the show with me. Thank you for being on the show. Please tell us about your story.

Stephen Claybourn :

Well, Jay, thanks for having me on the show a little bit about my story. Started in entrepreneurship about 15 years ago, went to college played football for a semester decided I'm just gonna go to work when the old failed business. We started our first company about 15 years ago and really learn things the hard way. I mean, anything you could do wrong, we've done but we've had some success over the years I mean, we've built five companies seven to eight figure companies that we've built and sold kind of found our niche in the market you know, here recently over the last year or so I've been it's really been laid on me to kind of start helping other entrepreneurs get through the craft that you go through right the pitfalls and the the mindset challenges that you you constantly battle yourself every day. And I just thought, you know, I've got a pretty unique perspective in that that space because I've been in that that seat before, right? I know how lonely it is at the top and, and it's nice to know that you can go to somebody that actually understands how you feel so

Jay Feldman :

yeah, absolutely. It is a rough journey. And for a lot of new entrepreneurs out there who maybe are struggling and it's been six months or I know and for those of you who are listening in the future, we're in the midst of the pandemic, a lot of people's play. have just been abolished. I know we had our own business plans, and everything changed once the lockdown hit one of my businesses services, the EDM industry, one of my biggest ones. And obviously, music festivals are probably going to be shut down for for the long haul. I mean, that's probably the most dangerous activity on Earth right now. bring in people from all over the world to you know, get enumerated and listen to music together. But you know, you have to be, you have to have fortitude. As an entrepreneur, you have to be able to adapt and you have to be able to stay positive and keep moving forward. And that's where having someone in your corner like yourself is super beneficial. And I didn't learn this until later on. So I'm just really happy to introduce this to new entrepreneurs, this idea of having a mindset coach to not only keep you positive and keep you pointed in the right direction, but keep you motivated and keep your head on straight because it's a it's a rocky road for sure

Stephen Claybourn :

it is or it is a rocky road. I think for most people, you know, I've kind of looked at this time as a different perspective. I know for me, I've always got to keep goals in front of me when the pen It started, you know, I started a program called 75 hard, I've lost 42 pounds in the last three days left to my 75 working out constantly. But I think the way I looked at this time it was while all your competitors are pulling back, and they're trying to figure out what's going to happen and how they're going to move forward, I think that the perspective should be if I can gain an hour, a week, a year, a month, whatever that may be all my competitors, because I wasn't willing to lay down and just watch Netflix all day and try to figure out what was going to happen to me instead of me going out and trying to take what I wanted to take and where I wanted to be successful as so. I think you know, that's kind of the big preaching is go out and do something every day that's going to move you forward, not set you back.

Jay Feldman :

Yes, and having someone in your corner to tell you what that thing might be and how to prioritize those things is super important as well. One thing that I found in common I work with a lot of coaches between mindset and business coaches is you guys have a pretty interesting story and how you actually got into mindset coaching a lot of the time You have conquered something pretty dramatic in your own life to have sought out this knowledge on your own to train yourself to have this mindset and become this person. And I would love to know what that story is for you and how, how you, you really became this person that you are today.

Stephen Claybourn :

So my big story and journey was, you know, I've ran businesses for years always took care of the businesses, I made sure that we were they had everything they needed. I was the driving force of that the one thing that I never took care of was my health. I found myself at 1.4 hundred and 64 pounds, right? I mean, pretty big, pretty big. And I remember the day like it was yesterday, as a few years ago, probably four or five years ago, my wife and I just got through with a birthday dinner, um, stuff like always, and she's having a conversation with me Next, you know, in the car, and all of a sudden I look over and said, I'm done. And she's like, what, what does that even mean? I said, tomorrow I'm starting I'm going on a diet. I'm getting this weight off like I'm on a mission. So I started right I started out slow like, I think you need to and I started dieting, I didn't really exercise and I lost about 100 pounds. And I got down to that, that 360 range. And Heck, I stayed there for a few years because at that time, right, I look a lot better my clothes, I don't look as bad as I did. And about six, eight months ago, I decided, you know what, enough is enough, like it's time to actually get in shape the best shape of my life. And what I also found in that journey of on the way to losing 200 pounds now is how much exercise and and the mental clarity that that gave me. And the drive, right. It's what I tell my clients. The first question I ask my clients when I meet them is what are you good at? I want to know what you win at. If that's chess, is that working out? Is that business? Give me a facet of your life that you went out and we can build from that. And for me, my mindsets a big part of it, and it's only because I've experienced firsthand j so I tell this story. I went through a six week challenge first year I was doing a bike ride. I'm still a big guy, right? I mean, I'm still waiting in about 270 at the but I'm riding my bike. I'm two miles in the woods. blowing in my face, it's just it's a rough ride. And I tell them, you know, the Pyrgos the mind, it starts talking. And it's like, you know what you've done two miles, turn around, go back four miles for the day, nobody can say that you didn't put in the work. And that, for me was the turning point where I said, You know what, no, I'm not, I'm not doing it. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do what I set out to do today. And I ended up riding 15 miles a day on my bike, or the best bike rides out ahead. And that was the turning point where I understood for the first time when people said your, your mind will shut down before your body does what people have to understand about their mind is your mind is there to protect you. That's how instinctively that's how it was built years and years ago, right, millions of years ago. And that was built to, hey, that lines coming out me I should run, Hey, that looks dangerous. I need to go away. Well, that hasn't changed. So anytime that you people start to get out of their comfort zone or they start to feel a little bit of pain, they instantly want to back up and they want to run but the problem for entrepreneurs and just anyone in general leaders, is you have to embrace that pain. It's you know, I'm crossfitter now I go to CrossFit at 530 in the morning, every morning, one thing I say every morning is embrace the suck, we know it's going to suck, we know it's going to be a tough workout. But when we're done, we've accomplished something already for the day, you know, and that's more than 90% of people can say. And that's really how I look at life, if I'm willing to in my clients are willing to get out of bed early, take care of themselves like they should, and, and push forward, you know how much further you're going to be in a year from now, or five years from now or 10 years from now and no one's going to come to your house and drop success off at your doorstep. That's not how things work, right? You have to work for it. And and if your mind's not, right, you can't ever get there. You can always find an excuse on why it's too hard and you should quit, or someone's better than you or smarter than you or better looking, whatever that may be. And it's just excuses.

Jay Feldman :

Yes, I love it. I'm a big consumer of this content myself. I'm huge on personal development, the whole thing I follow Tony Robbins I follow all of these people and I'm sure you have found your mentors online, as As well as in person along your journey. And I couldn't agree more with the power of defeating that lizard brain that exists in your head that is designed to keep you comfortable and avoid pain, which is counterintuitive to what we want it to do now, which is pushed forward to success, we're safe, we need to be able to make those hard decisions and put ourselves in pain, because it's constructive pain. And you said one more thing that I really agree with. And that's what you did early in the morning, which is waking up and making one really hard decision which is getting out of bed and going across it at 5:30am. That one really hard decision that you made in the morning is going to build over the course of the day and it's going to springboard into the next good decision. It really builds a lot of really positive momentum. So that's why I advise all all of my clients as well like find a morning routine that makes you a little bit uncomfortable in the morning that you know is just going to get you a little bit, a little bit of an edge over your competition. That gives you a huge, huge advantage throughout the rest of the day and in what you're going to accomplish. I couldn't agree more with what you had to say.

Stephen Claybourn :

Absolutely. Literally, it's it's funny because, you know, with the bike ride story I told that was kind of the snapping point for me. But when I got to thinking back, you know, I've been doing CrossFit for probably four years now. And I have the same conversation every morning with myself at 430. When the alarm goes off, and the conversation goes something like, I'm tired, I don't want to get up and go today. And so the next thing I say to myself is, okay, you get to make that decision as a grown man. So you can decide to stay in bed, or you can decide to be better than you were yesterday. So you make the choice. And I get out of bed and I get my clothes on and I drive to CrossFit and I do the workout. But it's and I know that sounds weird. People are probably like, Man, this guy's nuts. But we all talk to ourselves. let's not let's not lie, but you have to you have to train yourself to be able to, I mean, essentially tell yourself, no, this, I'm going to do this. And I'm not going to do that and push forward to where you want to be.

Jay Feldman :

Let me ask you, do you have any tricks to kind of trick your lizard brain into doing what you want it to do? Because I know for me, a lot of times that you know, the backstop. Have you know you, you deserve a break today, you just just eat better throughout the rest of the day, you don't have to go or you'll make up the work tomorrow. I over time have created these little systems in place that actually helped me get these things done to trick myself and put myself into situations ahead of time, or I'm not going to leave myself a choice. Like, for example, one of them is leaving pre workout next to my bed in the morning, just 100 milligrams of caffeine. I have my Alexa programmed to go through a series of steps to turn my lights on, and then yell at me in my own words and call me basically a little bitch. If I don't do what it says. And I'll wake up I'll drink the pre workout and then honestly, I'll probably fall back asleep for 30 seconds or just lay back in bed and then boom, it hits me and I'm up and I'm I don't have a choice. I've admitted the night before to that activity. Is there anything like that that you have or that you recommend your clients or are you literally just strong enough every time to overpower those thoughts that are that are going on?

Stephen Claybourn :

I would say that it's something else. I've worked on over the years. And what I mean by that is, when I tell myself especially with like the 75 hard program, you know, two workouts a day, a gallon of water 10 pages of a book. I mean, it's, it's more a monster challenge, and it is a physical challenge. And every what I do is every time I find myself saying, I don't want to, or I don't feel like it, I instantly go there. Because I want my brain to know that I have control, it doesn't have control. So what I found myself is, you know, it'd be 830 at night, it's raining outside, and I've got to do an outdoor workout for one of my workouts and it's like, man, I don't want to go and I'm like, nope, you said it. Here we go. I mean, it's time to it's time to roll. And it's just, you know, people have said over the year I'm kind of a glutton for punishment, I don't mind pain to me. I've known for years that it's growth. So the more uncomfortable I get, the better I feel. Now stepping back a little bit in business. It's always been that right. I've always been an entrepreneur that I knew that being out of my comfort zone and staying out of there was where how in how we built businesses how we were successful. Now my personal life and my fitness and my mindset on on the personal eating and working out the stuff I knew I needed to do. Same thing like uj it was, well I'll be better tomorrow or you know what I'll start Monday. That's the you know the good one. I'm not that out of shape. I'm not that bad for me. I've always been married to a beautiful for 16 years. A beautiful woman that's been skinny, good looking never had weight issues. So for me for years, how I justified Well, if she can eat what she wants to ask me what I wanted, when you find yourself at 464 pounds, you figure out real quick that that's not really how life works. And that's the the unfair part about it, right? But you, you suck it up and you and you push forward. So, I guess in a roundabout way of answering your question, I'm kind of a glutton for punishment brother, like when I say I don't want to or I'll put it off later, that's when it gets done. Because I know, I know. I've got to do it now.

Jay Feldman :

So a lot of the people listening and I would say probably the average person consumer of this stuff because you have to work probably for a long time, or have a breaking point, an aha moment or snap like you likely had on that bicycle, something like that, where you're like, Okay, I need to conquer my mind. I'm in control. Now I'm in control. Now, I can't say that I fully have that yet, I still have to manipulate myself. And luckily, I've been able to find ways to do that, in order to get my body and my brain to do what I wanted to do. I've never had that breaking point. And a lot of people are probably somewhere between couch potato in you. And what, what advice would you give that person who is struggling to get from A to B from couch potato to you to gain control over their own mind? What does that progression look like?

Stephen Claybourn :

I think the biggest misconception that people have when they when they start on a journey, right? They see somebody on TV, they're like, man, I want to look like that guy or somebody makes a comment and they're like, I need to lose a couple extra pounds instantly what we do and I did it for years, the merry go round of Okay, tomorrow I'm starting you start The super strict diet you decide to go on a five mile walk. And you do that for about two days, you're like, screw this, I'm not doing it anymore. This is bullshit. The problem with it is and what you got to look at is it's about baby steps, right? I didn't lose 100 pounds go into CrossFit. All the time. I didn't work out at all j for a year, I did nothing but watched what I ate, and made small progressions every day to be a little bit better every day. It wasn't one of those things that instantly it's a strict diet and instantly I'm out running and doing I mean, I couldn't and that's where people fail. They think it's best expression you can say about this whole journey is how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time, you're not gonna swallow the whole thing. You have to set those small goals to ultimately get to your big goals. And I think if you're stuck in that rut of you know, I'm fine where I am, but you have all these aspirations to be someone better or make more money or you know, start a business or get a promotion. it all ties in together how you feel physically is how you feel mentally about everything right? If you can't move good, you don't work good. If you don't think if you don't think that your body is your temple, and that's you need to take care of that to take care of everything else. It's, it's like when I started this program, I was sitting on the couch Sunday night when I heard it from one of my favorite podcast guys. And I asked my wife, I told my wife said, Hey, I'm gonna do the 75, hard thing you want to do with me? She said, hell no. I do that with you. I'm like, Okay, well, I knew my demons and my demons were if I didn't put a challenge in front of me during the pandemic, that I'm going to sit on the I'm going to sit on the couch, watch Netflix and gain the corona 30. Right. And I refused to do that. So I put this pretty lofty goal in front of myself. And by doing that, I knew I had to take the small steps every day to ultimately get to the 75 days that I wasn't going to go out and just knock it out of the park. You know, day one. And that's what you've really got to do people. People have to set the small goals right put the bag of potato chips down tonight. Don't need to learn One o'clock, right? Stop eating it ate like little little things, get out and take a you know, 10 minute walk a 15 minute walk. And that's the key to it. You look at and I've done this and understand how these guys feel is you look at these guys on TV and they're, you know, they're shredded, right? And you look at the trainers. And for me, I never had a trainer or a dietician, or that it was I've done it all on my own. And mostly because it's intimidating, right? You go into a gym with somebody that you barely know, he's 220 pounds, a solid muscle, and you're way overweight, and you're just uncomfortable. You don't stick with that stuff. You've got to do stuff that you can stick with and you you, you can get to where you want to be with. And for me it was I'm going to do it on my own. I'm going to do it for myself. And you know, when I started the 75 hard, I had a guy asked me He's like, well do you know your two hours a day? You're pretty much working out like how do you do that? And I'm like, I make time for it. I mean, I'm now My life is now scheduled around my workouts every day because that's how Important it has become to me because I see the outward benefits that's happened within my family, within my friends and without, with around the people that know me who have known me for years that are coming up to me like, what are you doing, man? I mean, it shows right. And that feels good, of course. But now it's to the point where I want to motivate other people that were in my position to make those changes to live the life you want to live. Jay, I wish I'd have done this 10 years ago, in my 20s. But I wasn't there in my 20s. Right. I'm here now in my 30s. And it's, you just got to do it, man. And, you know, people ask me, they're like, well, what are you worried about what people think I said, I'm not worried about anybody thinks I don't care what my wife thinks is gonna sound horrible. So I'm going to throw that out here. I don't care what my wife thinks. I don't care what my kids think. I don't care what my friends think. Because if I'm bettering myself, every one of those groups of people benefit from me being a better man, a better father, a better leader. And that's the boss. law?

Jay Feldman :

Yes, absolutely got to take care of yourself first. And you hit the nail on the head with the question that I was asking and which is, how do you get from A to B? And this key? I mean, the answer is not the sexy answer. There's no instant results. And in a world where everyone's comparing themselves to the 200 pounds shredded trainer, like you're talking about, everybody wants to wake up the next day and look like that. But the solution really isn't sexy. It's incremental change, I believe. It's Tony Robbins, who says it it takes three months to build and establish a new habit in your life. That's a long time for something to be uncomfortable before it's just a routine. It's a long time, three months waking up every day and doing something before you wake up and now it's just part of your day. And adding those little things into your day, piece by piece is how you get from A to B. I believe

Stephen Claybourn :

that's exactly how you get there, in my opinion, is the little changes you make every day. That's towards your bigger goal. Because you're not going to wake up shredded, you're not going to wake up successful in business. You're not going to wake up a multimillionaire because somebody dropped it on your front doorstep. That takes up takes time, it takes effort. And it takes goal setting to do that.

Jay Feldman :

And all of progress happens outside of your comfort zone, it is going, it's it sucks to grow, growth hurts. I've had had to do it a lot of times where something horrible happens or you have a realization, and you have to make massive change. And that change that you want to come overnight. never does. You have to figure out a plan. And this is where coaches like you really become handy. And establishing that plan, giving you accountability to that plan and just direction. And with that being said, talk to me a little bit about accountability. Obviously, you're at a point where you're just accountable to yourself, I'm sure if you had that thought at 5:30am that I'm not going to go to the gym, and then you wake up three hours later, you're going to be pretty pissed at yourself. And I I know I have those two. Well, yeah, yeah, you're just disappointed. And yourself, you know that you let yourself down. But that takes training that not everyone has that. So I think having a system or a person in place to hold you accountable to your goals that you have written down that you've put out into the world, actually is a huge tool for people to make that change. What is your opinion there?

Stephen Claybourn :

I agree with you, I think if you go back to the couch potato if if you're not going to do it on your own, find somebody that will hold you accountable, right? Either somebody that's where you want to be or is on their way to where you would like to be physically or or you know, business, whatever it may be, find somebody that you can you can lean on, you can confide in, and you can trust to hold you accountable in those times. I mean, that's the biggest thing with my clients is I hold them accountable. And they know that every week when we get on a call, or we get face to face that they're gonna have to answer a few questions. And most of them don't want to answer. I didn't do anything this week. But you have to have that accountability and if it's not built in for me, it was kind of built in naturally right? I'm very competitive by nature and the way it The way I I usually accountability is kind of social media, right? I've been a private person for years, I really just got in on social media in a big way in the last three or four months. So the way I look at it is all these people on social media and on the internet are watching me waiting me to waiting for me to fail, right? That's, it's probably a negative way to look at it. But it motivates me. It motivates me to say, I'm not going to let anybody out there have the gratification that I started this, and then I failed at it. They're never going to be able to say that. And it's kind of like they talk about with weight loss. You know, they say, don't weigh every day. Jay, I weigh in the mornings, and I weigh in the afternoons. And I do it for one reason, and my wife thinks I'm nuts. I'm competing with that scale every day. And so if I get on the scale, and I'm a couple pounds heavier than I was yesterday morning, my mentality is you beat me today. You won't beat me tomorrow. And that's just how I've been right where a lot of people you say stay away from the scale for a good three or four weeks. Don't worry Every day is going to discourage you To me, it fires me up, man, I don't want to lose.

Jay Feldman :

Yeah, you got to know yourself, you got to know your brain and what, what really gets going because I'm the same way as you absolutely the same way I need to. I'm in constant battle with myself, and really just myself for being better that every single day. And if I lose a habit or I fall off track, I'm down on myself and I have accountability groups even on slack where we check in with each other every week. And that's a really, you know, free easy way. If you have a couple of friends who you're going through some similar challenges with with similar goals. That's something that I absolutely suggest is to add a daily or a weekly check in to see okay, I did my 7am meditation run, or whatever that thing might be. But that's what my my 7am checking is.

Stephen Claybourn :

That's awesome. No, I think you have to have it right. And, you know, one thing I want to add to that with accountability is and people have heard this for years, but it is true. You've really got to know your why. What gets you out of bed every day? What makes you and drives you to be better? You have to know what that y is. And I don't mean a new Lamborghini or a big house, like you see people on social media with I mean, what truly fires you up. And you know, my wise, I've got four kids, four small children. And I want to be a good example for those children and a good father and a good leader. So when they grow up, they can say, you know, my dad was a hard worker, man he did, he did stuff people what wasn't willing to go do he was willing to do. And that's, you know, that's why I'm so competitive with myself is is those little guys.

Jay Feldman :

Yes, absolutely. And I have a very similar story to how I became who I am. And it has to do with my father as well. He was, you know, laid off during the 2008 housing crisis. And, basically, you know, we went from an upper middle class family and I had to go into work as a collections agent and a cubicle as my first job at 17. And I hated every single second of that. And that was my Aha moment, we're like, okay, I am never going to end up doing anything like this ever in my life. I want freedom. I don't want someone to have control over my future, my destiny, my finances, my family, that's going to be on me. And that's the why that has basically kept me going and growing over the years. And I couldn't agree with you more that the Y has to be strong enough and deeply enough engraved to be a guiding force in your growth or you're going to fall off. I believe it's Sorry, I keep quoting Tony Robbins. He's the man's demands. Brilliant.

Stephen Claybourn :

I agree.

Jay Feldman :

He's brilliant. But if you don't have a strong enough why the short term goals are not going to get you there. People fall off of diets, but they don't fall off of why do you want to tie it? Why do you want to get to that that end destination versus I want to lose 20 pounds, no, I want to lose 20 pounds so that I will live longer to see my kids you know, get married and have grandkids and be a better father and be a better example. It's the Y that's gonna keep it going.

Stephen Claybourn :

So set In layers deep, right, you really dive down into what your true y is and why you're why you're doing things. And that's what everybody has to find. And you know, I'd heard it for years J. And I'd say, oh, because I want this or because I want that. But I didn't truly understand what my y was until I dove down deep and figured out why I want to do things or why I push so hard.

Jay Feldman :

Yes. And for all of those people listening right now, just take a minute and try and figure it out. I bet it's in there. Maybe you haven't written it down. You haven't vocalized it and I think that's super important to get it out of your head and make it tangible put it down on paper, and I did it and it's made a huge difference. Now it's cohesive to me, I understand it. And it's something that is a driving force and everything that I do and I work harder than anyone that I know and I know a lot of entrepreneurs will say the exact same thing. And it's it's the truth and you need something to latch on to an anchor that really keeps you grounded because it's it's hard out there man and not Not everyone succeeds. And, you know, I almost filed for bankruptcy once for one of my companies, and you have to figure it out. And now I'm doing no better than ever. And you go through those rocky times and you come out on top,

Stephen Claybourn :

you're exactly right. You have to have something grounded that can get you through this rocky times. Because I think I think the misconception these days is, you know, this whole social media has kind of changed everything for us. And it's you see people that are smiling and happy all the time, and they've got the perfect family and the perfect life and, and you you get these thoughts in your minds of I just want to be like them, I just want to be perfect. Well, no one's perfect, right? we all struggle with depression. we all struggle with stress, we struggle with the doubt constantly, right? You have to everyone fights doubt off everyday, no matter who you are. You have to fight that out of your brain because it will cripple you. And you know, that's one of my big missions at this point and with my coaching and leadership stuff is that I want Men in general, to become the leaders that we were meant to be right the leaders for our family, the leaders for our, our wives, our children, our communities. And now, especially with what's happened in the last couple days is we need leaders, strong leaders more than anybody to unite people, right? And we've kind of lost that as men as like, we get to a certain age as a man and we kind of just think, well, as long as I'm bringing a paycheck home, I'm good, right? The kids don't really need me. My wife doesn't really need me, you know, they should just be happy with what they're getting. Well, you wonder why when you get older, you alone, your kids don't have anything to do with you. Or, you know, you're you've been divorced two or three times, it's because you don't put in the time to actually do and be what you're supposed to be. You're not a paycheck to that family. You're not a paycheck to those kids. You're their father, right? You're supposed to be there when they have a bad day and you're supposed to be there when they're having great days. And and just comfort sometimes, but be Present. So Jay I've got I've got reminders set on my phone that golf different times of the day. And you know, one one is like look around and just taking all the blessings that you have. And one of them is make sure that you're present with the family. Another one is just another Count your blessings. It's there's like four or five of them on there. But, and I do that for the simple fact of I am guilty of jumping on the phone and spending way too much time on their rights, scrolling through social media or reading emails or all of that. It's that snap reminder that says, hey, it's time to pay attention to what you need to be paying attention to what's truly important. Just a little nugget there may help somebody out may not who knows. I'm weird. So that's how it goes.

Jay Feldman :

We're all weird. I use the gratitude app. If you haven't checked it out, I highly suggest it.

Stephen Claybourn :

Tell me about it. Yeah,

Jay Feldman :

amazing. I journal in it every day and it feeds me those little snippets like like you, you put in your own phone, I use post its all over my apartment. I have like practice that guitar for an hour floss, meditate as soon as you as soon as I wake up. These cues are all around me and they're super healthful and everyone I feel like has their own little tricks. So you've, you've been through this journey, you've conquered your own mindset. Who were some of your mentors in your process who are people that you believe they should look up to and seek out? Because part of this is just consuming all becoming this and surrounding yourself with it. When you're in the car, you know, you watch the YouTube videos or listen to the podcasts. Listen to it, watch it, follow these people. Get rid of all of the negativity in your world and just surround yourself with people that are really positive influence on your mindset. I know I have mine but who are your your biggest influences in that regard? So the first piece of advice I give to anybody is turn the news off.

Stephen Claybourn :

Yes, I mean, that's a we we decided to boycott the news about three or four months ago. We just don't watch it and we really haven't ever been big news watchers anyway. It's just because of propaganda. But as far as mentors that I really look up to, I love Tony Robbins. His burned Boats speech, you've probably heard I've had a couple of those instances in my life where it was literally burn the boats and take the island. I actually have it tattooed on my arm. So I'm a Tony fan Ed, my let love and my lead. And then Andy for Sella. Right is 75 hard program, but I just I like how real Andy is. I mean, he's going to tell it to you straight, good, bad or indifferent. And then you know, I've been listening to Ed for a long time. And what I like about it is a few months ago, he had a podcast and he had said something that really hit me between the eyes. I'd never thought about it this way. And he said, You know, when I die and go to heaven, I want to ask God to introduce me to the man I was supposed to be. And he said, My prayer is that when he introduces me to that man, a mirror image of who I was supposed to be. And when I heard that, Jay I was like, I mean Mind blown, right? Because how incredible would it to be to actually live and be the man that you were supposed to be right as imperfect as we are self serving most of the time. I think those three those three men are big ones on my, on my list, I look up to all of them. I think they're they all have different perspectives on different things. They come at things at a different angle. But they've all got a great message.

Jay Feldman :

I'm familiar with the first two, the last one I have never heard of. So I'm definitely going to check them out and ask you about him and I will put them also in the show notes for anyone who's watching this who wants to follow these guys, I follow Tony, I follow and great people to follow. They don't post with their Lamborghinis to make you jealous, and they don't show you how much money they're making. I'd kind of but there is a rich man good for him. It's true. They give you good, good advice. They don't rub it in your face. And this is the kind of people that you're going to want to surround yourself with. If you're going to make positive change. All of the social media entrepreneurs who are renting Lamborghinis and taking pictures and showing themselves traveling and their bank accounts are not going to do any good. They're going to they're gonna trigger bad thoughts. They're going to discourage you and they're just not Helpful or productive in any way. So, Tony highly recommend and Ed's podcasts actually gonna have to check out as well.

Stephen Claybourn :

Yeah, I mean, it's, you're 100% right. I think these guys are gonna rent the Lamborghinis I was actually having this conversation of the day with with one of my guys. And I said, you know, these young the younger generation is looking up to these guys because they think this is success and happiness, right? And they eventually get to this point, and they get those things. And what they figure out is, there's no happiness there. You can't create happiness with stuff. I mean, you can have all the stuff in the world j but if you're not truly happy in your in yourself, then it's just stuff. Right? And I think that's what we got to get back to is becoming and learning how to love ourselves again and take care of ourselves so we can enjoy everything that life has to offer.

Jay Feldman :

Yes, absolutely couldn't said it better. And the last piece of advice I'd like to get from you is the top books that you recommend that people start with. I know that I have mine I do all audio books. Now. I have audio books. Calm I love it. But are there any books that you've read that you recommend that have really been a positive impact in your life?

Stephen Claybourn :

So I'm currently reading principles by Ray Derulo. I think it is. It's pretty good. But I mean, the first ones I started with, and I tell people this constantly is the book that changed my life when I was probably 22 years old was Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. amazing book. And it really is true that if you help people get what they want you ultimately get what you want right a serving mentality, not a self serving mentality. Napoleon hills thinking Grow Rich, that's a great one. relentless I just read a few months ago love that book. I can't remember who the author is on it, but it's another good book that I liked. But the two my two main ones are Napoleon hills thinking grow rich and then Dale Carnegie's manage to change your life

Jay Feldman :

classics. Absolutely. And they're free on YouTube. The audio books are on there the entire things I've I've listened to them both several times, big fan, my other big one, the one who's that's had a really positive impact in my life and one of my Favorite mentors to look up to is Tim Ferriss. The Four Hour Workweek was just Yep. Absolutely monumental in in my mindset, my career and what I want to eventually get out of all of the things that I'm that I'm doing now how hard I'm working where I want to end up Tim Ferriss, my, my kind of idol in that regard. So another one, definitely to check out. And again, I'll put up put all this stuff in the show notes. For anyone who's interested in checking these people out and reading these books. I'll even include links to the full length YouTube audio books for the two classics that we just spoke about. They are awesome. They are for sure. Okay, Steven, is there any final message that you would like to leave with the aspiring and current entrepreneurs that might be listening right now who might be struggling with their mindset might be going through a hard time in the midst of this pandemic or afterwards whenever they're listening to this and she's got to perk them up and point them in the right direction. What is your What is your advice?

Stephen Claybourn :

I think my best advice to anyone out there right now is to just keep moving forward, one step at Time, set your small goals every day to try to eventually call your big goals and know that you're, you're going to get knocked down. But, you know, just like I said about the gym, embrace the suck, it's gonna suck. The journey is not going to be easy, but it's going to be worth it when it ends, and one foot in front of other guys is all I can say.

Jay Feldman :

Absolutely. Thank you, Steven, so much for coming on the show. That was an awesome episode. I love talking about this stuff. It's a huge passion of mine. So thank you for coming on here and rambling about personal development with me for for a half an hour. This has been an absolute blast, and I am excited to discuss more with you after the show.

Stephen Claybourn :

Hey, thanks for having me on and letting me ramble for half an hour. So

Jay Feldman :

thank you so much for watching this episode of the mentors collective. This is Dr. Jay Feldman. And I just wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your support, and also ask you for a little bit more. If you can take the next 10 seconds and write us a review on iTunes, Google Play or Spotify. Just let me know your feedback. It means the world to me again, thank you for watching. If you love this episode, please share it with your friends. Share it with your family. Until next time!